Prayer for deceased parents, a husband, a wife, a child – texts of prayers

In brief

You can pray for your deceased parents, husband, wife or child with any of the Church's prayers – most simply with the “Eternal rest”, adding the name of the person who has died – or in your own words. Below we give the ancient liturgical prayer for deceased parents and short, simple prayers for particular people. The most important form of remembrance remains Holy Mass: on an anniversary, on a name day, or thirty Gregorian Masses for one person.

Prayer for deceased parents

The oldest of these prayers is the ancient liturgical collect for deceased parents (Deus, qui nos patrem et matrem honorare praecepisti), known from the traditional Roman Missal and still used today, for example in the Dominican liturgy. In its traditional English form:

O God, who hast commanded us to honour our father and our mother, in thy mercy have pity on the souls of my father and mother, and forgive them their trespasses, and make me to see them again in the joy of everlasting brightness. Through Christ our Lord. Amen.

When you are praying for one parent, say “on the soul of my mother (my father), N.”. The other prayers on this page are simple prayers written by our editors – we do not attribute them to any saint. You may shorten them, change them and say them in your own way.

For a mother who has died

Lord Jesus, I thank you for my mother, N., for the life she gave me and for every day of her care. Forgive her everything in which she was weak, and forgive me for what I did not give her. Welcome her into your home, where there are no more tears. Mary, our Mother, lead her to your Son. Eternal rest grant unto her, O Lord. Amen.

For a father who has died

God our Father, I commend to you my father, N. I thank you for his work, his care and his example. May all that was good in him find its reward with you, and may your mercy wash away all that still needs to be purified. Grant him to see your face. Eternal rest grant unto him, O Lord. Amen.

Prayer for a husband or wife who has died

Lord, you joined us together in the sacrament of marriage. I thank you for my husband (my wife), N., for our years together, our children, our joys and our struggles. Forgive him (her) his (her) sins, and forgive us the ways in which we hurt each other. Welcome him (her) into your kingdom, and give me the strength to go on living in the hope of our meeting again. Eternal rest grant unto him (her), O Lord. Amen.

On the anniversary of the wedding or of the death of a husband or wife, many people request Holy Mass – you will find example intentions in anniversary Masses for the dead.

Prayer for a son or daughter who has died

God, you gave us our child, N., and you have taken him (her) to yourself. We do not understand this loss, but we trust in your love. Wrap him (her) in your peace and give him (her) the fullness of life that he (she) did not have time to know on earth. Hold us, the parents, up in our grief, as you held up Mary at the foot of the cross. Eternal rest grant unto him (her), O Lord. Amen.

If your baby died before birth or shortly after it, see a Mass for a lost baby.

On the day of death and before the funeral

The first days after a death are a time when words fail. A short aspiration is enough, repeated beside the person who has died, on the way, before going to sleep:

Lord, into your hands I commend N. Be merciful to him (her). Eternal rest grant unto him (her), O Lord. Amen.

You can also pray the Rosary with your family, or Psalm 130 “Out of the depths” – the texts, and how to pray the chaplet for the dead, are gathered on the page prayers for the holy souls in purgatory. How to request a Mass in these days is explained in Masses after a funeral.

A prayer for every day

There is no required “weekly” set of prayers for the dead. A steady rhythm does help, though: one “Eternal rest” with the names of your loved ones after night prayers, a decade of the Rosary on a chosen day of the week, Sunday Mass offered in your heart for them too. Regularity keeps memory from fading.

Other ways to remember deceased parents

• A Mass on the anniversary of death, on a birthday or a name day – one intention can include both parents, e.g. “For the late Michael and Helen”;
• Gregorian Masses – thirty Masses on consecutive days, always for one person. For both parents, two separate series of Gregorian Masses are requested, or another form; we explain this in who can request a Mass and for whom;
• Remembrance of the dead – your parents' names read out in church in November or throughout the year; see annual remembrance of the dead;
• An indulgence for the dead, almsgiving and good works offered for them.

We write more fully about the meaning of prayer for the dead on the page Catholic prayer for the dead. If you would like to request a Mass for your mother, father or spouse, choose the form in the request form – we agree the details and dates in our e-mail reply, and once the offering has been made we send a confirmation with the date and time of each Mass.

Sources

• Dominican Friars (Province of St Joseph): the collect for deceased parents, Latin text
• Catechism of the Catholic Church – nos. 958, 1032, 2197–2200 (the fourth commandment)