gregorianka.belynichi@gmail.comA Mass for a lost baby – miscarriage, stillbirth, a child who died before birth
Losing a baby before birth or shortly after it is a grief that is often hard to put into words. The Church does not leave parents alone: she prays for their children and encourages us to entrust them to God. Here we explain what the Catechism says, how to word a Mass intention and when to request it.
In brief
A Mass may be requested for any baby who has been lost – through miscarriage, stillbirth or death shortly after birth, including a baby who died before he or she could be baptised. The Church commends such children to the mercy of God and hopes for their salvation (CCC 1261). The intention is most often twofold: for the child, entrusting him or her to God, and for consolation for the parents. In the form, choose “Individual Mass intention”.
What the Church says about children who die without baptism
The Catechism answers briefly and with great tenderness: “As regards children who have died without Baptism, the Church can only entrust them to the mercy of God, as she does in her funeral rites for them. Indeed, the great mercy of God who desires that all men should be saved (1 Tim 2:4), and Jesus' tenderness toward children which caused him to say: ‘Let the children come to me, do not hinder them’ (Mk 10:14), allow us to hope that there is a way of salvation for children who have died without Baptism” (CCC 1261).
In 2007 the International Theological Commission published the document The Hope of Salvation for Infants Who Die Without Being Baptised, approved for publication with the assent of Benedict XVI. The Commission states that there are “serious theological and liturgical grounds for hope” that these infants will be saved – and it honestly adds that these are “reasons for prayerful hope, rather than grounds for sure knowledge” (no. 102). The old theory of limbo (limbus) never became a dogma; the 1992 Catechism does not mention it at all.
This hope finds expression in the liturgy. After the Second Vatican Council the Roman Missal includes a funeral Mass for children who died before baptism, and canon law allows the bishop to permit a church funeral for a child whose parents intended to have it baptised (can. 1183 §2). So the Church prays for these children – and we may do the same.
How to word the intention
There is no single required formula. If the baby had a name – even one the parents gave after the loss – it is good to include it. The general rules for writing an intention are in our guide how to word a Mass intention; here are a few suggestions:
For the baby
- For the baby of Anne and Thomas, who died before birth – entrusting him (her) to the mercy of God.
- For Sophie, daughter of Martha and Peter, stillborn – for the joy of eternal life.
- For our little son, Jack, who died on the day he was born.
- For all our children lost before birth.
For the parents and family
- For consolation and God's strength for Kate and Michael after the loss of their baby.
- For the grace of peace of heart for a mother who has lost her baby, and for support for the whole family.
- For the baby lost by Eve and Mark, asking for hope and unity in their marriage.
On an anniversary
- On the anniversary of the death of our baby – entrusting him (her) to God, asking for peace for the parents and the brothers and sisters.
- On the day Thomas was due to be born – for him, and for consolation for us.
You do not need to give the date of the miscarriage or the circumstances. If it is easier, this is enough: “For our child, known to God.” Who may request a Mass and whether you need to give your surname is explained in who can request a Mass and for whom.
When to request the Mass
At any time – straight after the loss, after a few months or after years. Many parents return to this prayer only when the first pain has eased. Good moments are the anniversary of the loss, the expected due date, or 15 October – Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day, observed in many countries as a day of remembrance for babies who died before birth or shortly after it (in the UK it closes Baby Loss Awareness Week). It is not a liturgical feast, but around this time many parishes celebrate Masses for lost babies and their parents.
If you would like to pray for longer, you can request nine Masses – a novena for the parents, for consolation and strength – or enter the baby's name for the annual remembrance of the dead.
Can Gregorian Masses be requested for a lost baby?
Gregorian Masses are thirty Masses celebrated on consecutive days for one person who has died, traditionally asking for his or her purification. In the case of a child who died without baptism the Church does not pronounce on the child's state, but simply entrusts the child to God, so for this intention we prefer to talk with you individually. Please write to us by e-mail (details on the contact page) – we will reply with the form of prayer that would be most fitting. For a baptised child who died before reaching the age of reason, the Church has traditionally prayed with trust and thanksgiving – in the past a Mass of the Angels was celebrated for such children.
A prayer for parents
Mass is not the only way to remember. You can speak to God in your own words, for example: “Lord, you know our child better than we do. We entrust him (her) to your mercy. Give us the hope that one day we will see him (her), and quieten the grief in us that we cannot put into words. Amen.” We write more about the meaning of prayer for the dead on the page Catholic prayer for the dead, and about the Mass for the dead itself in our guide Mass for the dead.
Grief after losing a baby can be long and lonely. Mass and prayer do not replace the help of a doctor, a psychologist or a support group – if the pain is overwhelming, please reach out for that help. Many dioceses also offer pastoral support for parents who have lost a baby.
How to request a Mass from us
In the request form, choose “Individual Mass intention” and enter the wording of the intention, and the date if a particular day matters to you. You can also send the intention by e-mail or WhatsApp. We agree the details and the date in our e-mail reply, and once the offering has been made you will receive a confirmation with the wording of the intention and the date and time of the Mass. We celebrate the Masses at the Shrine of Our Lady of Białynicze – to the Mother who herself stood at the foot of her Son's cross we also entrust grieving parents.
Sources
Questions and answers
Can a Mass be requested for a baby we did not name?
Yes. Simply write “for the baby of Anne and Thomas” or “for our child lost before birth”. God knows every child by name, even when we do not.
Can grandparents or brothers and sisters request a Mass for a lost baby?
Yes. Anyone who wishes to pray for the baby and the parents may request a Mass – a grandmother, a grandfather, godparents, friends. You can add “from the grandparents” to the intention or give it without saying who requested it.
Can one Mass be requested for several lost babies?
Yes – for a single Mass, one intention can include all the children of a family, e.g. “for our children who died before birth”. It is different with Gregorian Masses, which by their nature are for one person.
The Shrine of Our Lady of Białynicze
For centuries Białynicze on the River Drut was one of the most important Marian shrines of the Polish–Lithuanian Commonwealth, known as the “Częstochowa of Belarus”. The Carmelite church with the miraculous image of Our Lady, crowned in 1761, was destroyed in Soviet times.
Today the parish is rebuilding the shrine, and every Mass requested here supports this work.
History of the shrine →Request a Holy Mass
Leave your contact details and intention – we will reply by e-mail with a proposed date.
Thank you! We have received your request and will reply shortly to the e-mail address you gave.